I am one of those people who don’t always see the grey area. I almost always deal in absolutes. Is it black or is it white? Is it yes or is it no? I don’t always understand maybes. In the argument nature vs nurture, I was staunchly in the nurture camp. This is not to say I have defected to the nature camp. It just means that I see the grey. In fact, I am in that murky miry place.
You know all those questions, 'Which comes first?' 'The phoenix or the ashes?', 'The egg or the chicken?' and how there’s no correct answer. There’s no correct answer to this either. It’s not a matter of percentages. If it were, it wouldn’t be a bone of contention. It’s not even that the person ultimately chooses. It’s not about the strength of nature or nurture. NO! NO! NO! it’s none of those things and no, it’s not a combination of any.
How do you explain a 7yr old girl who didn’t grow up with her mother (not even the same village) exhibiting the very traits for which her mother was avoided? How do you explain how children of rapists and child molesters don’t always end up like their parents? How do you explain some adoptees growing up to be like parents they have never met and others still like their foster parents? How do you explain certain mannerisms that children ‘inherit’ from parents they have never met?
It is worrisome that I may never know what determines a person’s behaviour. How do I know this beautiful boy I want to adopt won’t grow up to pummel his kids or be a wife beater like his sperm donor father? How do I know this baby girl I’m taking in wouldn’t be a junkie like her mom? How do I know he wouldn’t be a doctor like me? And she wouldn’t shake her legs because she is scared or nervous? Or love novels? Or never has a best anything because she loves too many things?
I guess I can only do what I have learnt to do when I realise that there is indeed a limit to how much I can know. I will accept that I may never be a part of the cognoscenti on this one and just leave it to GOD. There’s a reason he is omniscient.