Monday, 11 November 2013

Breakup Tunes


I bet'cha a million naira that right now, somewhere in the world, a relationship is breaking up, about to break up or just broke up. Breakups really are disheartening. The partners spend valuable time together, probably confessing undying love to each other, saying things like 'you are the air I breathe', 'the water that quenches my thirst' and blah blah. The spark goes with the wind and zap!, its R.I.P. to the relationship; making me wonder how they actually plan to survive without air and water.

Unfortunately, the deed is done. Its over. Deal with it. People handle breakups differently and on this basis, I have drawn up 5 different classes of people and ultimately 1 or 2 songs appropriate for those belonging to each class.

1. ADELE TYPE
The females rock this category so perfectly. If you're a guy and this category describes you best, please check yourself, something is defintely wrong. Picture this - Jack and Jill dated for about two years. Jill was Jack's cook, cleaner, errand girl, everything but a girlfriend. Jill became a bore to Jack (that was inevitable) and she got kicked out the back door. Get the picture? These category of people spend 20hours a day crying and the remaining four blowing their noses. Shame, shame isn't it?

Well, since you won't stop crying, I knw d song just for you. No, its not a song by Adele (you've had enough of that already), it is SEASONS IN THE SUN by WESTLIFE. I request you pay particular attention to the lyrics. Now you can weep for a more honourable cause. Shed your grief in capsules of tears. Losing your Jack is not the end of the world.

2. PLAYBOY
Fine boy no pimples with the right swag and a pocket full of paper. You might have 99 problems but girls aint one. You have about 5 regular girlfriends, 2 dozen sidechicks and countless groupies that always flock around you. One of the girls you've been dating wakes up, for the first time in a long time, on the right side of her bed and decides its high time you stopped playing around with her. She pays you a visit (hopefully it's her last to you). She rants and whines like a wounded cow, says she's done and leaves. This is a regular show to you. Her exit opens doors for new chicks to flock in. Time to celebrate!

The next friday night, hit the best club in town and have the dj play you the latest NIGERIAN club hits. Dazall! Dance like it's gon be your last. You won't even remember the girl ever existed by morning. The same applies to the very very few girls in this category.

3. MISS INDEPENDENT
Thumbs up sisters. Y'all make the woman race very proud. For one reason or the other, you guys broke up. So what? It is good riddance. Life goes on and a better guy is on his way.

If you're the type that likes to drop it low, celebrate the break up with CIARA ft NICKI MINAJ - I'M OUT. Shake off your ex girl, he'll regret letting you go.

If you really don't dig dancing but prefer karaoke or singing along BEST THING I NEVER HAD by BEYONCE is perfecto.

4. THE SWITCH
I wonder if you have a relationship or a comedy show. They are the makers and the breakers of relationships. The relationship keeps going on and off like its a switch. Its always on the rocks. Today you guys are all lovey dovey and tomorrow its world war 3. You finally get sick and tired of your see-saw relationship, you declare it over and intend to make it remain that way.

WE ARE NEVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER by TAYLOR SWIFT should be your anthem.

5. FRAGILE HEART
These are the ones I pity most. Breakup is their second nature. They are always getting in and out of relationships. They are fed up but still want their dream relationship with their fantasy guy. Though physically weak, they have a strong mind. They are not discouraged by failed relationships. Sometimes their strength fails and it feels like the walls are closing in.
You need a soothing song, one that reaches deep into you. Any of these three songs should help.

i.Hallelujah by TI ft Mary J.

ii.Stronger by Mandisa

iii.Rise Above It by Switchfoot

Hopefully they'll help you find the inner strength to see you through. I really hope you find the right relationship for you. Dont give up. Keep Hope Alive.

I know you all like awoof so here's a little extra, fit for all categories except the playboy. It is STRONGER by KELLY CLARKSON.

3 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Category 6. Occupied by me and me alone. Lol

      Delete
  2. Category 6. Occupied by me and me alone. Lol

    ReplyDelete

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