Merry Christmas

It was a starry fullmoon night. 'Hoooowwwl' went a pack of wolves somewhere in the woods. Seated around the feet of old man Whitebeard were his grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great great grandchildren. He cleared his throat and in his signature croaky voice, he narrated an ancient tale.

"A long long time back, in an ancient town, lived a fair maiden. She was so fair that she was handpicked by forces, forces far greater than any mortal could fathom to be the bearer of the best thing to ever happen to mankind. Blessed she was indeed, for in Bethlehem of Judea, in a manger, she bore a son, not one of a man and a woman but one of the spirit. His name, EMMANUEL."

Drumroll
Fireworks
Cymbals clash
Bells chime
More fireworks
Final drumroll
Upbeat version of 'Joy to the World' starts playing in background.

Merry Christmas people. Glad you made it to this day. We cerebrate the birth of Christ today, the birth of peace, joy, forgiveness,  a second chance, salvation! The birth of God's greatest gift to man, a gift of love.

So let's make our Heavenly father happy today, shall we? Let's reciprocate God's love to us. Show some love today. Smile and wave at that little boy walking down the street, help that old woman across the road, say thank you to the taxi driver, pray for the crippled beggar on the sidewalk, try cracking a joke at work, make funny faces at your neighbour's baby, be polite to the woman selling fish in the market. Remember,  it's the little things that matter most.

Love is not all about material things. Love is showing compassion, being selfless, empathy for others, being altruistic, giving with expecting  nothing in return, rendering help to the helpless. It costs nothing to give love,  but in giving love, you are sure to receive more. Do not forget this as you celebrate christmas this year.

From femmefuntale, we love you and wish you the best of this season. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Upbeat version of  We Wish You A Merry Christmas blasts through speakers.

12 Days of Christmas: 3

Click here to read the first and introductory part of this tale and here to read the second part .

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS contd.

The knight approached with a dress made of dazzling diamonds nestled in his hands. He was less than a hundred metre away from me when the earth shook violently. I was panicky. A strong wind started slapping at me. Though it was cold, sweat beads trickled down my body.

That was when I opened my eyes. The windows were open and it was raining. The thunder rumbled with a deafening noise. I reached for my wristwatch and checked the time. It read 6:35. I decided to prepare for work. I had been late everyday since the previous Monday. It was Friday, the last working day. I decided to redeem myself.

I skipped breakfast and left for work. I hadn't seen Kenke. Strange.

I was surprised the office was packed full and bustling with activities quite early. I walked to my desk. I was barely seated when I heard a voice, "My office. Now!" It was my boss. I trotted behind him, into his office.
He slammed the door and yelled, "I won't tolerate this. You've been late everyday since Monday."

But not today, I thought. I was starting to apologize but he cut me off.

"Are you a nursing mother? If you still want this job, you know what to do."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I turned to leave.

"Next time, even if your life depended on it, do not come to work as late as 11.25am"
I was taken aback, I glanced at the wall clock in his office. 11.25. Oh no. I checked my watch, still 6:35.

"Yes sir." I walked out of his office.

I felt betrayed by my watch, as well as the weather, partners in crime. The watch had cost me N500. The mallam that sold it to me six months ago swore it was original. I had changed the battery seven times since then. I grunted.

The day went by swiftly and work closed. I decided to walk home, it was a seven minute walk. I was contemplating getting a new watch or changing the battery when something poured down on me. I looked up. It wasn't rain. Some dunderhead from one of the shops above had poured 'water' on me. I smelt fish stew. It was all over me. Examining my white blouse, I wanted to cry.  I took a step back to get a better view of the shop and yell my head off at whoever had ruined my favourite blouse. I missed my step and broke a heel. I stared at the broken stiletto heel in disbelief.

"Today can't get anyworse. Geez! Why am I so unlucky?" Then the rain started. But for the rain, the world have easily witnessed a grown 21-year old shed tears.

"Why don't you wait in here till the rain stops," a good Nigerian beckoned me to come into his shop. I walked in and thanked him. He helped me with my bag and got me a chair. He gave me a towel with which I dried myself.

"Sorry about your blouse and shoe."
"Thank you."
"Please relax, the rain will stop soon."
"Thank you again."
"Ma'am, please give me a second. I want to get something from my friend in the next shop. I'll be back in a jiffy."

There were still gentlemen in Ibadan. I was impressed. He had been gone for about fifteen minutes and the rain had subsided. I reached for my bag to get my phone. I wanted to call Kenke to ask her to meet me in the shop with an umbrella and a pair of flipflops. It was very close to the house. She wouldn't object. I didn't find the phone. I searched frantically for it. Then it dawned on me, I had been robbed. The 'gentleman' had stolen my Curve 2. How did he do it? I was confused.
I was in a state of shock, "No. Oh no. Oh no. No. No." I closed my eyes and kept shaking my head. "No. No. No." Someone slapped my arm and opened my eyes.

"Wake up joor. Let's make dinner." Kenke was standing by my bed.
"Am I dreaming? " I rubbed my eyes lazily.
"Get up woman.'Cept you want to eat that piece of paper in your hand."

I sent her away with a wave of my hand. "I'll join you soon."
I looked at the paper then I remembered. I slept off daydreaming about my million dollar dress.
I recounted all that happened in the dream and thanked my stars it was just a dream. I looked at the paper knowingly. I had figured what i wanted for the next six days of Christmas.
Day 2: a Rolex wristwatch.
Day 3: a white Versace blouse.
Day 4: Two pairs of Tom Ford pumps.
Day 5: a Louis Vuitton umbrella.
Day 6: an iPhone 5s.
Day 7: a Prada bag.

They say prevention is better than cure. The dream might have been a warning.  Plus my wardrobe was so 16th century.
"My knight is in for it." I said out loud and chuckled.
"Sunla! Hurry up!" Sunla was another of the many names Kenke had for me. I placed the paper under my pillow and two-stepped into the kitchen cheerily.

The concluding part of this *fill the blank* tale will be posted on Sunday the 15th *suspense theme plays*. What'll happen next? I dont know but Sunday will tell. Thanks for reading. Have a goodluck filled Friday the 13th.

12 days of Christmas: 2

Click here to read previous part.

Deulofeu attempted to pass the ball to Mirallas but Wilshere was quick to intercept the ball. He made a short pass to Ozil. Ozil expertly tackled Mirallas, sending him to the grass and headed for the goal post. Ozil raised his leg to shoot the ball, the timer on the tv read 87:57. If he could successfully drive the ball into the net, it would be a 3-2 victory for Arsenal against Everton. Heart in mouth, fists clenched, tension lines running the length of my forehead, butt almost falling off the chair, I watched Ozil's shot drive the ball towards the net when out of nowhere,

"How hot do I look in this dress? Would you rate me ten over ten or ten over ten? This gown is perfecto. The colour and texture complement my skin. See how it accentuates my curves. It's the right length. And with those red pumps I received on my birthday, the ones you gave me, I'd look se-en-sa-tional!" She stopped ranting as she finished dusting imaginary particles off her new gown.

If looks could kill, Kenke would be dining with her ancestors. And if thoughts could, she'd be singing Hossanna with the angels. Eitherway, she'd be six feet under. I let out an exasperated sigh and headed for my room. I was too angry to utter a word.

"One day the gods will smile on you and bless you with real woman curves." She jeered at me.

I grunted, slammed the door and sank into the only chair in my room. I was infuriated and frustrated. At 21, I still had the shape of an overweight five-year old. A breathing potato with arms and legs. I secretly prayed Kenke was right about the gods blessing me.

Thinking of how best to kill time, I remembered the football match. I grabbed my laptop and surfed the internet for the final results of the match. Ozil had scored the goal. Arsenal won. Instantly, all was well with the world again.

Kenke and her shenanigans, I thought back to the incident, shook my head and smiled. As much as I hated to admit it, she was indeed lovely in her new dress. That was when something in my head sparked. In no time, I found what I wanted via google. I smiled at it.

I might not look 'se-en-sational' in a dress, I thought, but I could look like a million dollars. I found a $17.6 million dress, the most expensive dress in the world. It looked almost ordinary, it was infact a muslim-like robe, black and red, but for the beautiful diamonds set on it. I'd be a walking million dollar diamond. The sound of it felt good.

On a piece of paper, I wrote, '1st Day of Christmas: $17 million dress'.

I smiled at the paper and at the image of a dazed Kenke when she sees me rocking such a dress. Well, it's all upto my Knight in shiny armour to make it a reality. I laughed out loud and shut my eyes.

Few minutes later, a knight was approaching me with a dress made of dazzling diamonds.


What will be next on the list? Click here to find out.

Happy Christmas

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night (please choose most applicable). Happy newday. Happy Sunday. Happy new week. Happy second week of the last month of the year. Happy! Happy!! Happy!!! Oh yeah, I'm happy. You definitely wouldn't expect less from someone who just got back from the North pole after one week of fun with you-know-who (winks).

Getting down to business, we're at that time of the year again - the beginning of the end which heralds a whole new beginning (I see that look of approval on your face :) ). Yup, yup, it's Christmas (blows trumpet).

I'm pretty sure you all have different activities lined up to enjoy Christmas - visiting grandparents in the village, going on a shopping spree in Paris or just sleeping Christmas away on your bamboo bed. If you're like me (which is very unlikely), you're finding it difficult choosing between space diving or sun surfing.

However you decide to spend this Christmas is totally up to you. All that matters, all that this epistle is trying to preach is STAY HAPPY. All through this season, all I want is for you to be happy (how hard can that be?).

Yes,
Smile till your cheeks burst.
Laugh till you lose your breath.
Dance till your limbs come off.
Be happy!

So we all have had our fair share of dark clouds this year, disappointments, loss, failure (like I failed at telekinesis, couldn't move a mere thread with my mind). There might still be one or two not so sunny days before the year runs out for some (I'm no angel of doom. Just being factual). Nonetheless, as long as that heart is still pumping blood, think back to those days you did not want to end, when you laughed at the man that pronouced shoulder as solder, at your friend that fell butt-first into a bucket of water, at the clumsy one who spilled Coca-Cola on a very ruthless lecturer. Remember you've also had a good dose of laughter-filled days and let those memories blot out those of the gloomy ones.

So smile and be happy, you'll live longer, healthier and even look younger. Smile for me, flash those crooked teeth at me, aha, there goes, your teeth look even worse than I envisaged (tongue out).

From Mizkeneke and I, we say, "Compliments of the Season and BE HAPPY!"

P.S. Watch out for 12 days of Christmas tomorrow. It is another cool story from me (remember chicken run? Lol). I bet you'll enjoy it but if you refuse to enjoy it, you'll have to pay me for my hardwork (I mean it).

And yeah, if you're still wondering who I was with at the North pole. Wondering who you-know-who actually is, he is that rotund man always clad in white and red. Sure you know who now. Below is a picture we took together. Cute, isn't it?